On the Road
by muaaimoi
Summary: Penny is ready to leave Pasadena behind. She just has some unfinished business before she can leave. How far will Sheldon go to convince her to stay? S/P. Deviates from right before The Tangerine Factor, season one.
1. Chapter 1

Penny doesn't know what she's doing.

She's in her car, bags packed, essentials only, and a text to her landlord to keep her deposit ready for delivery. He can keep the rest of her crap. It would just slow her down, anyways. And she had everything she really wanted to keep. She was all packed up, she knew a guy at a car dealership who'd give her a decent deal on her piece of crap car. It was near the airport and she had a friend who would give her a ride, since she worked the counter there and had promised her a cheap flight if she'd settle for whatever was left over from coach. She only had three luggage bags, but that was enough.

New starts where best done with new things anyway. She was in desperate need of a new start.

Which was why Penny was leaving, straight for New York. The true actress mecca.

It had just seemed like the best thing to do. Some may call it a rather extreme reaction to her break up, but Penny knew it was a whole lot more than that. If she was lucky, Pasadena would just be a bad memory in a few years. Nothing was happening for her here.

Her taste in men sucked, she hated her job, every opportunity in life seemed to go out of it's way to jump right over her. Leaving a tantalizing flash of itself behind for her to mourn over. Her career was going nowhere fast, thanks to her horrible rendition of a musical. Ha! Rendition was such a Sheldon word. She wondered why he hadn't warned her about how badly she sucked. Wait, no she didn't. No doubt Leonard had warned him off.

Asshole.

A sweet asshole, but he'd fucked her over in the end, no matter how unintentionally he'd done it. And she had actually made out with him, drunk. How pathetic was that? Almost as bad as her attempt at throwing him a kick ass birthday party.

The real sad part was that he was one of the few bright spots in her life right now.

The Geek's across the hall where the best thing in her life at the moment. And that was too much. Too sad, too horrible-just not right.

It was one thing to be in a new state. New people, new places. Superficial friends and the discovery that her boyfriend was a true blue jerk of the highest order. All of it was fine. So Penny was truly on her own. So what? She had realized that the first time she'd gotten sent to the hospital for getting bucked off a horse and her dad was late to pick her up.

For two hours Penny had waited, every passing second further confirmation that she was unimportant. Forgotten. Oh her Dad had shown up eventually, with some cock and bull story about her parents both thinking the other was going to go pick her up. But it was too late by then. Penny knew, to them, she was worthless. For her father she was the boy he'd always wanted who'd become a girl. The fact that she had breasts had completely destroyed their old relationship. And he had no interest in building a new one. She barely registered on her mothers radar. Her brother was her world, and she had no interest in expanding it to include either of her daughters.

Was it any wonder then, that she had drowned herself in boys and booze?

Penny was the only person who cared about Penny. The only time anyone spent any amount of time thinking about her, or doing things for her, was to get into her pants. She had made her peace with that a long time ago. Guys only saw her as a hot chick. A good time. And most recently, their gorgeous neighbor.

It was the way of the world. Kurt had never changed that. He was just someone who made her feel good. Needed and appreciated, even if only in the bedroom.

She had moved on when that hadn't been enough, that he'd cheated had been a push she hadn't needed, but it was a good enough excuse to break up. She didn't want to settle. As a kid, she'd had no choice, no way to escape.

She realized the trappings of it now. How easily she'd almost slid back into her old relationship with kurt. How simple and obvious it had seemed that she should give Leonard a chance, through her haze of alcohol,

She wasn't going to let herself fold completely into their circle. Their stunted, socially deficient, pathetic little circle. No way. She was better than that. She had to be, being socially adept was one of the few things she had going for her.

They were fine as friends, good neighbors she saw on the stairs or occasionally watched movies with. There was Thai night, and Halo night, and that was okay. Not people she kissed to distract herself from ex boyfriends. If Penny was willing to kiss Leonard, it meant interest, however microscopically small. And Kurt had already shown her that familiarity and persistence where very easy to give into.

Penny wasn't going to fall for it now. She was making a preemptive strike. Cutting it right off, before it really started, before it got bad. Before she actually tried to date Leonard. Penny figured that was the point of no return. But she would avoid all that.

Penny was going to change it.

She was going to skip town.

Now.

Any second now.

All she had to do was press send, and start her Car.

She glared at her thumb as it hovered over the button. She willed it to move.

It didn't. Wouldn't.

Penny let out an explosive sigh.

This shouldn't be so hard.

In fact, this shouldn't be hard at all. There was nothing to hold her back. All she had to do was press send and she could leave. No more of putting up with crappy tips while making minimum wage, or tolerating her hellish manager at the cheesecake factory. No more dealing with her judgmental agent who was going to drop her alone really should have pushed her to do it. She hated that guy.

All she had to do was push the button and drive. Penny knew, she'd done it before. She could deal with the consequences later.

Much, much later.

When she was far away with a new host of distractions. All she had to do was press send.

No more Leonard with his little grins and hopeful looks. No more of Howard's creepy leers and filthy remarks. No more Raj not talking to her.

Her thumb stayed where it was.

No more holier than thou Sheldon with his constant lectures, anal retentive nature, and little tidbits no one gave two fucks about.

No more driving him to the store and getting the full history of whatever she was there to buy. No more rides to the comic book store , or him bitching about her check engine light. No more getting yelled at for sitting in his spot. No having to remind herself that he wasn't retarded, just too smart for his own good. Or hers, or anyone elses especially not having to sing soft kitty for him when he was sick.

No more being needed for no other reason than being Penny. Finally wanted for something that wasn't her looks, or her willingness to sleep with someone. The slightest chance that she might lower her standards for the night.

No getting to feel like she mattered, like she was irreplaceable to someone in some small way. Because it was her he turned to. Not the other geniuses of his acquaintance. No, when Sheldon needed something, he asked her. Just like that. And she was the only one who never gave him a hard time about it. She might mock him, and give him a hard time about nearly everything else, but she never turned him away.

It mattered to Sheldon that she was the one to bring him his disassembled Hamburger every Tuesday. It mattered that she was present for Thai night. And by transitive property, another Sheldon term, Penny could pretend she mattered to him.

That she, Penny, actually mattered to someone else.

And that might be the most truly pathetic part of it all.

Penny put her phone away, saving the message in the drafts folder. She got out of her car. So, she couldn't quite leave yet.

It wasn't a huge set back. There was an easy fix to it, after all.

It was Sunday night, basically the one night the other guys were free of Sheldon's schedule. And while they were probably still in the house watching a movie Penny could hope. And even if they were there, she could just ask Sheldon to come help her clean something at her apartment. The guys had no interest in any of that. And he would jump at the chance. She might feel bad about lying to him, but she wouldn't lose any sleep over it. It was his own fault for making her think he cared about her.

Even if it was all in her head.

She just couldn't leave until she said goodbye. Penny hadn't had that problem leaving home for Christs sake.

She took a deep breath as she reached their door. This was it. Say goodbye to Sheldon and steal away into the night, as quickly as possible. Like ripping off a band aid. Since Penny knew he'd have no problem telling the guys exactly what she told him. And they would try to get her to stay. Scarier still, they might succeed. Get in, get out. That was it.

A perfectly workable plan.

Penny knocked.

_**xXx**_

_**Okay so I started this story with a good concept and ruined it with a lack of research, editing, and just generally bad writing. I am theoretically a better writer now-so I will be doing some massive editing. Just some tweaks here and there that will make the story better. I hope you enjoy.**_


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Sheldon " Penny says, attempting to affix her usual cheerful smile. She fails, but she's not talking to someone who will notice,"Where are the rest of the guys?"

"They have gone out in search of female company, I estimate they will fail spectacularly and be back within the hour." Sheldon informs her.

The smile on her face relaxes, real warmth shining through."That's great!"

Sheldon looks at her in confusion."Why is that great? Do you enjoy witnessing their failure at engaging in coitus?"

Penny snorts. It's not very lady like, but she doubts Sheldon cares,"No way, I hope one of them finds a girlfriend."

He blinks at her, clearly confused."Then I repeat, Why is that great?"

She takes a deep breath, It's harder to admit than she thought it would be."Sheldon I'm leaving."

"Leaving? where are you going? And when will you be back? We will, of course, hold on to your mail."

Her smile begins to fade at that,"I'm not coming back, I'm leaving for good sweetie. I just wanted to say goodbye."

"For good! Why? Penny you are part of our social circle, you can't leave for good! I've spent too much time and effort accommodating you into my schedule!"

Penny laughs. That is so Sheldon. His first priority is always his precious Schedule.

"I'm so sorry sweetie, you wouldn't understand. But don't worry in a few weeks another pretty girl might move into my old apartment. It'll be like I was never here."

The blue of his eyes darkens as he frowns,"The probability of that is not as high as you seem to believe. I am a genius Penny, I can see the differences between you and any other female that society deems attractive, like wise, I'm sure that if you just explained, I could easily comprehend your reasons for leaving, and figure out how to rectify them accordingly."

It's Penny's turn to blink at that. Takes her a few seconds to translate the Sheldon babble. Aw, he was offering to fix her problems. Surprisingly sweet, how like her whack a doodle.

"Sheldon, as nice of you as it is to offer to 'rectify' my problems, no one can. It's just best if I go, you know, start fresh."

He glares at her,"No, Penny I don't know. Why don't you explain it to me?"

She runs a hand through her hair. Does Sheldon have to make everything so difficult? Why is she even asking, it's Sheldon, of course he does! It's best just to be blunt.

"I can't find a decent human being to date. My attempt at a musical bombed and torpedoed the rest of my acting career here in California. My agents going to drop me any day now. I hate my job and I don't want to reach a point in my life where I'm dating Leonard because no one else is available."

"Penny, I fail to see how any of that is a new development, can't you simply commendably tough it out as you have been doing? "

Penny stares at him in disbelief, she's completely unprepared by how much it hurts. "No! I can't stand how much my life sucks just to serve you your stupid hamburger every Tuesday! And to think the only reason I'm not halfway to New York right now is because I thought I mattered to you, ha! So much for that!"

She turns to leave.

She doesn't expect him to reach out and stop her. Sheldon is physically touching her shoulder, and it's the shock of it that holds her more than his grip. Surprisingly strong hold that it is.

"Don't be daft Penny, of course you matter, as I stated before, you are part of our social group. And, more importantly, my friend. I-I don't want you to l-leave."

Sheldon stutters at the end of it. The uncharacteristic shyness that she always has trouble believing exists rearing it's head. It reminds her of the first day she saw him. The way he'd ducked his head. She realizes now that he had been quite stressed then. The Sheldon she has come to know would never leave his cowlicks to stick up. No matter how cute he looks like that. It's a darn shame.

Penny feels her heart all but melt inside."Oh sweetie, you're my friend too, and I'm going to miss you, but this place is pretty toxic for me. And I can't stay just for you."

No matter how much a part of her really, really wants to. She's so glad that it's not all in her head, even if she's just a convenient cab for him, she matters. He doesn't want her to leave.

"Why not?" Sheldon demands,"From what you have said it's hardly the fault of your apartment, or Pasadena, that your career hasn't taken off. You've just made bad decisions. Or rather, your agent did, he had no business getting you an audition for a musical when you quite clearly have no musical talent. The same thing goes for your choice in places of employment and attempts to date, though for the life of me I can't figure out why anyone would want to date at all. The point is, Penny, that there is nothing about your situation that you can't change while staying exactly where you are. And that way you won't lose what you have here, isn't that a good thing? It would certainly be less work."

She laughs,"The thing is Sheldon, that it's a whole lot easier to restart. Especially when you don't have much to give up. It doesn't feel like I'm losing anything at all."

"Except me," He says, suddenly confident,"You were happy when you realized the others weren't here, you only wanted to say good-bye to me."

Penny nods,"You're the only one who cares about me here, Sheldon."

He gives her a strange look,"That's preposterous, Leonard and Howard have been trying to court you since you moved in, with various degrees of failure. I'm sure that if Raj could speak to you he would attempt much of the same."

Penny nods,"Exactly! They aren't after me, Penny the person, all they care about is how I look. When your sister was here, they dropped me like a hot potato."

Sheldon has to concede the point, it's true."That is still no reason for you to leave. I fail to see how it would be different anywhere else Penny, you are very attractive, most men are after you in one way or another."

Penny smiles, she loves Sheldon's indirect compliments. They're kind of awesome. Like it's just a fact, Albert Einstein was born on March fourteen, eighteen seventy nine, the sky is blue, and you are attractive. It can make her feel pretty for weeks at a time.

"Well yeah, but they're might be one who is interested in getting to know me as a person. And I'm pretty sure I've completely struck out in Pasadena."

"You don't know that," Sheldon returns heatedly,"It's just bad science to draw a conclusion when you haven't even set up a proper experiment. Not only that, your hypothesis is clearly flawed, I have gotten to know you as a person, after all. And I'm male."

It's all Penny can do to shake her head, there is just no getting through to him."Look Sheldon, I want to find someone who really cares about me, not just about the stuff I do for them, or the way I look. I appreciate what you're saying sweetie, really, I do. But you just don't understand!"

"On the contrary,"Sheldon says, narrowing his eyes at her,"Now I do. You feel very much alone Penny. Sometimes, when we're lonely, or homesick, we do things that don't make much sense. That's clearly what's happening here."

Penny lets out a frustrated sigh,"I've been alone since I was twelve Sheldon, or at least I realized I was alone when I was twelve. I'm used to that, I'm just not ready to hit rock bottom yet."

"No! Penny, you never get used to it. You learn to be as happy as you can by yourself, but were humans, we're social creatures, it's hardwired into our DNA to find and spend time with others like ourselves. No matter how much we wish otherwise." Sheldon sounds tired when he says it. Practically exhausted.

Penny feels like a fist is squeezing her heart."And how do you know that?"

"I went off to college when I was eleven Penny."Sheldon says,"I lived on campus, and I was ostracized due to my age. The only time anyone spoke to me was when they wanted something. When I tried to call my mom, she'd just tell me to pray and hang up the phone. She had her hands full with Missy and George Jr. It's why she goes above and beyond to take care of me now, she wasn't there when I needed her as a teen."

Penny has to accept that maybe Sheldon does understand. It certainly explains what Leonard is doing as his roommate. Despite Sheldon's general distaste of people, hell, it explains Sheldon's distaste of people period.

"I'm so sorry sweetie, I didn't realize what being a child genius meant for you." And she can picture it so clearly. Sheldon, with his big blue eyes, looking at everyone as they passed him by. All but invisible.

"No one ever does" Sheldon replies, matter of fact."Now that we have reached the correct conclusion, do you require any assistance unloading your car?"

"My car?" Penny asks, before realizing that of course he thinks he's won. This is what she gets for sympathising."Sheldon I'm still leaving."

"No."He says firmly,"You're not."

"Yes."Penny begins slowly, temper rising,"I. Am"

She watches the muscle on his cheek jump. While Sheldon enjoys being patronizing, he hates having it done to him.

"Woman what will it take to keep you here, as my neighbor?" He finally asks, hands fisting at his hair in frustration.

Penny just can't take him seriously sometimes. Heavy conversation or no, he's just such a man-child." A whole lot more than you're willing to give sweetie."

Sheldon glares at her, really glares at her, which is how she finds out that he'd only been reproachful before. The dark blue of his gaze sears into her, Penny can almost feel it touch her skin.

"Very well " Sheldon says softly, seriously,"You leave me no choice. Classical media suggest that the only way to prove to a woman as stubborn as your self how serious I am, is to do something at high risk to myself."

Penny's not sure where this is going, classical media?"What?"

"Penny, I propose an experiment."

**xXx**

**If nothing else this is a humbling experience.**


	3. Chapter 3

"An experiment?"Penny echoes. She's not sure she likes where this is going. She always feels like things go right over her head when any of the guys drag science into a conversation.

That's pretty much all of the time.

Sheldon nods gravely. The look on his face is that of a man who is preparing himself for battle. It should look ridiculous. Especially on Sheldon's face of all people. But it doesn't.

There's a gravity in Sheldon's voice that is sucking her in. Making her consider whatever he says just as seriously as he apparently does.

"Your chief concern is that you are alone. And that you won't find anyone who truly cares about you as a human being, removing the factor of your pleasing exterior completely from the equation. Correct?"

Penny gives a slow nod. Sounds about right.

"Then as someone who understand your situation, and meets your qualifications, all that's left is for me to prove it to you."

Penny frowns, she doesn't get it, she believes he cares about her, what's there to prove?"Just make your point Sheldon, I don't have all day, I want to leave before the guys get back."

Sheldon takes a deep breath. Let's it out in a gusty sigh.

"You said it would take a lot more than I'm willing to give to keep you here, Penny. My hypothesis is that you are wrong. All that's left is the proof. In other words, Penny, name your terms." The look on his face is pure determination.

All she can do is blink at that."Are you saying that you'll do whatever I say to keep me here?"

He can't be serious. This is Sheldon for Christ sake, Sheldon!

"I am saying I will do whatever it takes, and I am a man of my word, Penny." His face doesn't even twitch. Sheldon is regarding her the way he does his white boards. With an intensity that borders on obsessive.

Oh God, he really is serious. Penny thinks about the fact that there is a man in front of her willing to go above and beyond to prove he cares for her, enough so that she won't leave him, and it's not romantic in the least.

Penny laughs, if she doesn't, she'll cry. Sheldon isn't about to let her leave unless she plays his game. And if Penny is honest, she would hate herself if she didn't at least try. It's best to know for sure after all. No more niggling, haunting doubt. Penny has learned to hate certain maybes...

But she really does have to go. She doesn't want to stand there and explain herself to Leonard and the others. She doesn't owe any of them anything, much less an explanation. So it's best to get this over with as quickly as possible.

She doesn't understand Sheldon. A guy who has scheduled his life so completely, he times when he poops, is asking her to order him around. Penny decides to trudge through this with minimal pain. At least on her side.

Once Sheldon realizes that he cares for her a lot less than he thinks, or says he does, she can leave. And there is a sure fire way to do that. After all, Sheldon can't stand it when something happens to his precious Schedule.

"Okay" Penny says, a sly smile sneaking it's way onto her face. She can't help it, Sheldon kind of deserves what she's about to do to him anyway. That'll show him to be so... Sheldon-about her leaving. He's almost making her regret it."Let's take a road trip."

The look on Sheldon's face when that sinks in is pure gold. His cheek spasms, his eyes widen, and the panic in them is delicious. Penny feels absolutely diabolical, but she's kind of loving it, so it's fine. Better than fine actually. Outsmarting a genius feels pretty great.

She doesn't expect for Sheldon to freeze, a sudden ceasing of movement that is so sudden it's jarring. Hes completely, perfectly still, it doesn't even look like he's breathing, his face is especially, disturbingly blank. Sheldon is very emotive, especially for someone who shuns most human emotions.

"Sheldon?" Penny can't help but ask. She hopes to God she didn't break him. You only get one Sheldon Lee Cooper. And no matter what the guys say, Sheldon isn't a robot, he doesn't come with a warranty.

He ignores her.

Then, as if someone has flipped a switch, Sheldon begins to breathe again, visibly retaking control of himself, and his face settles into a mask of what Penny can only describe as savage determination.

"Very well." Sheldon says, firmly. And from what Penny can tell, mostly to himself.

He breezed right past her and towards the bookshelves where he pulls off a can. She's startled when he opens it and snakes pop out. Penny certainly doesn't expect him to pull out a pile of cash. Sheldon's expression never changes. He puts the can back and takes down a bust of Green Lantern. She can't help but gawk when he turns it over and reveals a few fifties hidden there as well.

"One moment please," Sheldon tells her, sounding scarily normal for all of his disturbingly not normal behavior.

Penny stands, stupefied, for the three minutes it takes Sheldon to reappear with a travel sized bag.

This can't be happening.

As if to rub it in her face, just how wrong she is, Sheldon erases the equations on his white board in two quick sweeps of his arms. Then he takes a marker and writes, rather succinctly really,'On a road trip with Penny. Presently unaware of our itinerary.'

All Penny can do is stare, shocked still.

**XxX**

**this is basically the end of the last chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

Penny wonders what's wrong with the world. It had made sense when she had woken up that morning. But somewhere between packing her car, and knocking on Sheldon's door, things had gone decidedly strange. She's pretty sure that the reality she exists in doesn't include her current situation.

And yet, here she was.

With a very stiff, determined looking Sheldon Cooper in her passenger seat, ready to go wherever she wanted. Do whatever she pleased. It would have been tempting...

If it wasn't so fucking weird.

It seriously creeped Penny out. Like watching a blizzard in the middle of July. It just didn't make any Goddamned sense. In what universe did something like this just happen?

Penny bit her lip. She had known this was a terrible idea the second she had finally started her car. Sheldon had simply shoved everything on the passenger seat into the back, right along with his travel bag. No complaint about the mess, or the disorder. No insult to her packing or driving skills. He hadn't even mentioned the check engine light, which was blinking cheerfully away.

It was unnatural.

Especially because of the way he looked.

Superman shirt pulled over a thermal sweater and ugly plaid pants. And his customary monstrosity of a jacket. He even had his usual messenger bag slung over his shoulder. If Penny hadn't known any better, she would have thought this was just another trip to the comic book store. The only real difference was that he was actually being quiet.

The silence in the car was heavy.

Uncomfortable in a way it had never managed to be before. It shouldn't have been. As crazy as the situation was. She and Sheldon were never this awkward. Lord knows there were times they should have been. But they just weren't. Penny had simply adjusted to his company. Seamlessly adapted to his wackadoodle ways. There were times when they drove each other bananas, but uncomfortable was new.

It takes Penny all of a second to decide she really hates it. And the ironic part is; she's the one that thought it up. It's not the first time getting Sheldon to do as she wants has backfired. She really should know better by now. So she feels aggravated.

Isn't it bad enough that he's in her head? Now he has the nerve to be right beside her...

"So..." Penny ventures. She doesn't know what to say. But Penny's a talker. Always had been, and always will be.

Unfortunately.

Today, at any rate. Her tendency to gab has gotten her a straggler. She just wants it to be over already. For Sheldon to come to his senses and realize that he can't keep his schedule if he isn't in Pasadena.

Some genius he turned out to be.

"Where do you want to go?" Sheldon doesn't even turn his head to look at her, he sounds odd, his words careful and measured. Probably trying desperately not to freak. But he's a talker too."Road trips require destinations, do they not? Or have you not thought that far ahead?"

Penny welcomes the indignation at his words. Finally, something familiar. Penny is used to being mad at Sheldon. Or at the very least annoyed with him.

"I was perfectly ready to take off to New York, Sheldon! Your stubbornness is the only reason I'm not on my way there, remember?"

Sheldon scoffs, but Penny can see some of the stiffness leave his spine. He's used to arguing with her too,"As if I am capable of forgetting anything Penny, and that hardly answers my question."

Penny tightens her grip on the wheel, she probably shouldn't enjoy arguing this much.

"New York!" Penny says, it's her ultimate goal, after all. It's where she's been planning to go. Regardless of whether or not Sheldon is with her when she arrives, that's where she's going.

"Cross country" Sheldon nods, pulling out one of his gizmos."I see you're going for the traditional road trip. Very well, head west on E Holly street on N Marengo Ave. But we should stop by a mechanic first. Your check engine light is on."

Penny actually welcomes this. She tells the sinking disappointment in her gut that what she feels is relief. She has been waiting for this moment since she stepped out of his apartment with Sheldon in tow. It's only natural for him to start freaking out. The eerily calm, adaptive Sheldon from the past half an hour is his version of a lapse in sanity. Kind of like agreeing to take him on a road trip, in order to let him prove his feelings for her, was a lapse in hers.

"I'm not taking my car to a mechanic Sheldon. I don't have the cash." Penny adjusts her rear view mirror, waits for the fireworks.

"Penny, we are planning on going cross country, it will require your vehicle to at least undergo rudimentary examination."

It makes sense Penny thinks, or it would, if they actually were going on the stupid road trip. She's just humouring Sheldon until he freaks.

"No."She says shortly. The whole thing is wearing on her nerves, anyway.

Sheldon turns, blue eyes reproachful once more."I'll pay for it."

"No." Penny says again, pure stubbornness.

"Yes." Sheldon tells her, gaze darkening.

Penny's phone goes off. She goes to reach it, but Sheldon snatches it out of her hands.

"Your driving skills leave much to be desired even when you aren't attached to your cell phone." Sheldon looked at the screen,"It's Leonard, what should I do?"

"Don't pick it up!" Penny bursts out, panicked. She doesn't want to talk to any of them. Doesn't want to explain their current insanity.

"We are going to have to explain the situation to him eventually."Sheldon points out, in that reasonable tone Penny is really starting to hate. And no, actually. they won't. At least not if Penny has anything to say about it. But she doubts that train of thought would go over well with Sheldon.

"After our road trip." Penny says. It's a much better answer than no way in hell. Although that's exactly what she means.

"Bu-"Sheldon begins. Penny cuts him off.

"After our road trip."She repeats, voice firm.

Sheldon opens his mouth to argue. Penny doesn't give him the chance.

"Aren't I suppose to be calling the shots?" She asks. Sheldon never argues with himself.

"Very well."He says, in the tones of one deeply unhappy with their defeat. He turns off her phone. Then pulls his out and does the same.

"We will have to avoid all social networks then." Sheldon says with a pout. Not that he would call it that.

Ever.

It shouldn't give Penny a happy bubble in her stomach.

But it does.

"So where to?" Penny says through the wide smile on her face. It had just snuck on there. And she couldn't seem to summon the effort to will it away...

Sheldon sighs, but he plays his role as their map well. A little too well actually. Penny is very familiar with the roads he's talking about. She's made the occasional trip with Kurt in the past. When they both had a little extra money they were sure they could multiply. It had always ended up being money they'd blown though. Four times in two years.

"You do realize that we're headed to Vegas right?" Penny can't help but point out.

Sheldon, mister 'I am the enemy of mainstream fun', can't possibly be leading them to the City of Sin on purpose.

"Of course I know where I'm going Penny. That is the beauty of a global positioning device. It gives you your position in relation to the entire globe. That clearly includes the terrain and other important directional amenities."

Of course. Like that makes any sense to anyone without about fifty spare IQ points.

Sometimes Penny feels like she needs an encyclopedia just to talk to Sheldon. The he starts talking about Ivan Getting and these military scientists Sheldon apparently had no respect for, and Penny gets the entire history of the GPS.

It reminds Penny that there are times when she feels like Sheldon is an Encyclopedia.

She tunes him out for most of the ride.

Penny is excited despite herself. No matter how little she actually believes its happening, she's doing this. She's going on a road trip with Sheldon. While she doesn't doubt that it'll be one of the stupidest things she has ever done, and being Penny, that list is long-she knows it will never be something she will regret.

Even if it is just Sheldon's stubborn nature coming to the forefront, it's the most anyone has ever done for her. Sheldon is going completely out of his comfort zone to do this. And he's justifying it by saying that its for her.

The fact that the idea doesn't even bother Sheldon makes her happy down to her toes. No matter how much Penny fights it. Or how much she tells herself that Sheldon doesn't understand the full scope of just what it means for her that he's doing this.

She looks out her window. The barren plains are oddly relaxing. Soothing actually, in a way the hustle and bustle of a city never is. The sun begins to set. And who ever said Sunsets in the desert where breath taking had known what they were talking about.

She's happy. And it's been so long since Penny has been genuinely happy that all she can do is enjoy it.

Naturally her car decides to quit the second she comes to that conclusion. Very dramatically at that.

At least Sheldon is shocked silent.

It doesn't last.

"Did your car engine just fall out?" Sheldon questions, softly.

"Do you have to ask? You're mister physics guy, you know it did." Penny responds tiredly. It's all she can do not to bang her head rhythmically against the steering wheel.

"I apologize" Sheldon says faintly,"I usually don't bother with rhetorical questions, but I needed verbal verification to accept that we are indeed stranded in the desert."

"We're right outside of Vegas Sheldon, that's hardly stranded, just turn on one of the phone's and call the towing company." Penny can do reasonable too.

Sheldon does. Neither of them expects it to start ringing, Sheldon, startled, drops it.

Penny laughs,"It's not going to bite you know. Just let it stop ringing, or use mine "

"I'm well aware that cell phones are not equipped with mandibles Penny, I was simply surprised."

They wait for a moment. The phone doesn't stop ringing.

Sheldon pulls out hers and turns it on. It starts ringing too.

And ringing, and ringing. And. Ringing.

"Remarkable", Sheldon says after fifteen minutes of this.

Penny glares at him,"What?"

"I believe Howard is using direct satellite access in order to constantly call our phones. There is no rejecting these calls Penny, that also means we have no way of using them to call."

Penny starts banging her head on her steering wheel. The car horn is unforgivingly loud. Her ears don't appreciate the noise.

Neither does Sheldon,"I see you're now ready to concede that we are in fact stranded in the desert. And that your car does, indeed, need a mechanic."

"It would have made it to the dealership." Penny grumbles, voice muffled by her steering wheel.

"Well now we'll have to Hitchhike at night. Do you realize you just landed us in a situation eerily similar to the beginning of countless horror movies?"

Not if she kills him and buries the body. Then it would be a murder-mystery. Penny has no problem with the idea of never answering her phone again. Especially if it's Leonard every time.

Penny knows better than to say things can't get any worse.

But she thinks it.

That's apparently enough, as the Sun finishes setting.

And the desert is a cold cruel place after dark.

**XxX**

**You guys that had positive reviews about the stuff I had up before are incredibly kind people.**


	5. Chapter 5

Over all things could be worse.

Yes it's cold, and not a little scary. But she's hardly a child.

Sadly the same cannot be said for Sheldon.

It's why they're still inside the car. Penny had opened the door all of a milliliter before Sheldon had started going on about the dangers of the nocturnal wildlife in the desert. Penny had been perfectly prepared to argue with him until she'd heard a howl. She hadn't needed Sheldon to tell her it was a Coyote. She'd watched animal planet too.

It had been completely silent in the car then. Neither of them willing to make much noise. The sound of the howls had kept echoing through the night for a good two hours. Before Sheldon had decided that they sounded steadily fainter. Which meant that they were heading away from their location. Not towards it.

He then ruined that small silver lining by deciding it meant that he could now complain all about how cold he was. Not to mention the hunger. Of course Sheldon was hungry. Come to think of it so was she.

Fortunately Penny had some Yoo Hoo's in her glove box. They're about a year old, but Sheldon would probably eat them as long as she didn't mention that little tidbit. Amazingly, he hadn't thought to check the wrapper. So they had dined, as unsatisfying as their pitiful meal was. A snack was much better than no snack at all.

But that still left the cold.

Penny pulls out the quilt her grandmother had given her, that rather memorable Christmas her Senior year of high school. When her sister shot her husband. It had kept her warm on the way to the E.R.

It'd kept Sheldon warm and quiet for all of five minutes. If that.

Penny, quite chilly herself, and having generously given him her only blanket, was not amused.

"Shut up!" She commanded from where she was huddled on her seat."Shouldn't there be people here soon? We were on route to Vegas!"

Sheldon gives her a sidelong glance as he opens his mouth, it makes her want to hurt him."It will be a long time yet Penny, If you recall, you specified wanting to avoid as much traffic as possible."

Oh yeah, and wasn't that just biting her on the ass now. Penny shivered, violently.

"Fuck!" She hissed quietly, whatever her engine had torn off on it's way out had left them without a heater. Or any light. Probably the battery as well then.

"Penny?" Sheldon says, surprisingly softly.

"Yes?" Penny whispered back. Summoning all the meager bits of patience she has left. She'd probably need them.

If he said anything to piss her off she would not be responsible for her actions.

"It just occured to me, are you cold?"

He could not be serious.

"What do you think!"

"Sarcasm?"

"No, Sheldon, I'm peachy keen in just a top in the freezing desert!"

"Sarcasm again?"

"Urgh!" Only Sheldon. Really. Stupid, stupid genius.

"Penny," Sheldon began again, and Penny resigned herself to ending his life sometime soon. And she wouldn't even be warm after. She just knew she'd get blood all over the Quilt and she'd have to bury it too."It occurs to me that we would both be warmer if we were willing to share body heat."

Penny can only stare at him in mute silence.

"Is that a no?" Sheldon questions, no doubt arching an eyebrow, but the ringing phones and the GPS only offer so much light. Penny can barely make him out. It's pitch black outside.

"Like hell!" Penny says, and jumps on the opportunity. Quite literally, in fact. It takes her all of ten seconds to make it to the passenger seat and make camp in Sheldon Cooper's lap. And it's all toasty and warm. Penny snuggles right in and tries not to think about the fact that she's cuddling with Sheldon. That way lay madness.

So she closes her eyes and enjoys it. Once Sheldon recovers from the swiftness of her actions, and it all catches up with him, he will probably open his mouth and fuck it up. It's inevitable.

"Fascinating,"is all Sheldon says, and Penny should really know better than to think she can predict him. They are in the middle of the desert for a reason, after all. And it wasn't just her random idea that got them there. Despite his OCD tendencies, or perhaps because of them, Sheldon was full of surprises.

As if he had just read her thoughts, Sheldon began to shift. Adjusting so that Penny was straddling him more comfortably, and the Quilt fully covered them both. Next thing Penny knows, she's falling forward. And she catches herself by spreading her palms on his chest. Sheldon had managed to reach the handle without her notice, and now the entire seat is leaning back as far as it goes.

It leaves her staring into his eyes. The new angle provides more light towards his face. They're closer to the blinking phones.

Sheldon's blue eyes stare up at her, guileless. And it really is like something out of a movie. Or maybe something any one of the so called smooth guys she dated would have tried. Leave it to Sheldon to do something so similar by accident.

"Well" Sheldon prompts, and he sounds impatient.

"What?" Penny replies, and tells herself to ignore just how compromising their new found position is.

"Aren't you going to get comfortable? We can hardly share body heat optimally if our bodies aren't in full contact."

Penny blinks as her mind translates Sheldon . He wanted her to lay down on him. Sheldon, 'mister touching is not allowed', wanted Penny flush against him. What the actual fuck?

"You do realize that this will be more touching than you've ever done. Ever. Right?" And it wasn't tempting. Not in the least. Really. It totally wasn't.

Sheldon's eyebrows furrowed,"Don't be preposterous, Penny. My sister and I shared a womb."

Penny was startled into laughing at that. The tension she hadn't realized had been coiling in her stomach releasing. She was being ridiculous. Sheldon didn't even think in those terms, and here she was, creating sexual tension that didn't exist. She reaches over and shoves the phones into her previous seat. Out of sight, out of mind. She lowered herself forward, pulling the quilt tighter around her. Not that she needs it as badly now. Sheldon was right about the body heat thing. And he's surprisingly comfortable for being as thin as he is.

For a while they just breathe. Adjusting to the most contact they'd ever had between them.

"Koothropali would enjoy this." Sheldon mutters into the silence.

"Raj?" Penny questions, feeling too lazy and warm to care if Sheldon went into another one of his explanations-slash-rants.

"He is rather fond of spending hours observing the sky."

"Oh yeah, he's like an space science guy or something right." Penny felt more than heard Sheldon scoff.

"Or something, perhaps."

Penny shifted, bringing her arms more comfortably around Sheldon's own." Then why would he want to be here?"

"I suppose you can't really see from that angle." Sheldon commented, before pulling the Quilt down slightly and pulling Penny up. Until they were almost face to face, and Penny could now see out the back window.

"Wow" Penny breathed. Wow was right. She could barely remember seeing so many stars back in Omaha. She hadn't even realized she missed the starry sky.

"It reminds me of the sky in Texas. When my father would take us all hunting. The stars appeared to be in different positions at the time of course." Sheldon murmured, his lips practically against Penny's ear.

She smiled, wide and goofy,"You? Hunting? I gotta hear about this."

And she did. She learned all about how Sheldon hated the great outdoors, but that he did enjoy shooting, and archery. Or, more specifically, how much better he was at such things than his siblings.

She hadn't thought twice about telling him of her own shotgun escapades. And exactly what had happened the night she got the very Quilt they were using. Sheldon had responded with a tale of an uncle who had died by badger attack. Things had gone in the same vein from there. Just sharing stories about their childhoods or anecdotes about crazy family members.

Penny hadn't even realized how long they'd stayed up talking until it began to get light outside.

She had finally turned to Sheldon, wide eyed. Her eyes met his own heavy lidded ones.

"It is said that one has never seen a sunrise until they have done it in the desert." Sheldon whispered. Far too close to her lips for comfort. Really, what had she been thinking? Turning her face towards him when their heads were so close.

Penny quickly turned her head back towards the window."A desert sunrise, huh?"

"Do you want to see it?" Sheldon asked, his lips brushing her hair."You are calling the shots, if you recall."

Penny hummed in acknowledgement, wondered how she'd managed to forget.

Did she want to watch the sunrise with Sheldon cooper? Especially after basically cuddling all night under a starry sky and talking about their past?Penny took an internal vote. Then recast the ballot just to double check. But no, that was the right answer. A unanimous Hell Yes.

It's totally worth the awkward rubbing that happens when they try to get out.

Leaning back against Sheldon with nothing but the open road and desert around them as the sun begins to rise is amazing. Easily the most romantic thing she has ever done in her life. And Penny finds it hard to care that Sheldon doesn't see it that way.

**XxX**

**Such kind, generous reviewers. You guys were so nice.**


	6. Chapter 6

A trucker finally designs to show up a few hours after dawn. Fortunately the guy had realized something was wrong once he'd spotted the engine. Penny and Sheldon had knocked out soon after the sun rise. Staying up all night had left them groggy. And they had no problem sleeping while they waited for the tow truck to show up.

The trucker that found them had been nice enough to lend them his phone. Though Penny knew Sheldons explanation for why neither of theirs was available had gone right over his head. Penny was pretty glad about that actually, she wasn't sure how Satellite blockage would have made them seem to the guy.

Once the tow truck showed it had been a simple matter to ride along. Though Sheldon did insist on the window seat. Which had left Penny sitting next to the gross driver. Who inevitably tried to flirt with her. She had never thought she would miss Howard's creepy come on's. But the second the guy opened his mouth Penny had. And that was just sad.

It had been a very uncomfortable two hours. Having all but squirmed into Sheldon's lap helped. He kept giving her these bemused looks Penny could see in the rear-view mirror. It was really cute. Especially with his hair all mussed from the wind coming in from the window. And maybe if Penny lied to herself enough she could convince herself that she wasn't crushing on Sheldon.

If nothing else it was a distraction from the creepy driver.

They don't hit the city fast enough. By the time they get there Penny has a firm hold on her sanity once more. Crushing on Sheldon is beyond all stupidity. It's impossible, never ever gonna happen. Penny needs to accept that, no matter how different Sheldon seems at the moment. There is no asking a Zebra to change it's stripes. And Sheldon has to be the most exactingly striped one of all.

Penny had to remember that. There was no one else to blame her broken heart on in any romantic scenario that involved Sheldon, the guy was way too clueless. She would be shouldering all the blame.

So all of those thoughts about how cute he was, and how good he was being to her? They had to go, stuffed into a mental box, never to be opened again. Sealed away, for the rest of eternity.

Never to be thought of again.

xXx

It turned out to be a lot harder than Penny thought.

They were waiting around the garage, Penny trying, rather desperately, not to think about how much the repair was gonna cost. And Sheldon was being adorable, looking at all the tools and stuff, pointing them out and explaining their uses to Penny. She never found it cute when he did it at the grocery store, so Penny did not understand the newfound appeal.

She blinked at him in confusion,"Why do you know so much about cars if you don't drive anyway?"

Sheldon blinked back,"I don't drive because I know so much about cars, Penny, believe me, if you knew half of what I did about the inner workings of your automobile you wouldn't drive either."

"Huh" That made a startling amount of sense, kind of like how Penny could no longer eat Popeye's once she'd worked there and knew all about the chicken they served. It was a testament to how clean the Cheesecake Factory kitchen was that Penny could still eat there.

"Should I take that as an affirmative?" Sheldon asked.

Penny nodded"I guess it's a good thing I don't then, who else would drive you everywhere?"

"I suppose, but I have always been able to make do with public transportation, provided that I have no other options."Sheldon frowned, clearly remembering times when people didn't drive him around. It must have been tough on the whack-a-doodle, not having any minions. Oh, excuse her, slaves, oops, she meant friends. Wait, what did that make her? His driver? At least she knew she wasn't his maid...

"Doesn't it get expensive to buy all those sanitation napkins?" Penny had to ask.

She'd always wondered, with the rate Sheldon went through cleaning products and hand sanitizers. It all had to cost a pretty penny.

"It does help that I buy them in bulk." Sheldon met her eyes seriously,"The internet is a wonderful thing, would you like me to order cleaning supplies for you as well?"

"No thanks" Penny answered, probably a bit too quickly, but who could blame her? Sheldon would totally use her apartment as a place to stockpile Clorox or something. And had she just honestly thought that fondly?

Fortunately the mechanic chose that moment to show up.

Or maybe not so fortunately. Hmm, madness or massive loss of cash? What kind of choices where that?Penny eyed him warily, like the financial Vampire he was. She was so not gonna like this.

She was right.

"Twelve hundred dollars" Penny repeated dumbly once the mechanic had left the room.

"I find it's quite reasonable" Sheldon stared frankly,"Considering all the work he has to do."

Penny gaped, too miserable for words. That's when she realized Sheldon was pulling out his wallet.

"What are you doing?"

"I would think it's fairly obvious Penny, I'm sure the mechanic would like to be paid as quickly as possible, so that the car will be ready to cart us on to the rest of our trip successfully. Though I do feel I should point out that we could have avoided the fee if you had just gotten the engine checked before we left Pasadena."

"Wait, you're paying for it?"Had Penny chosen madness after all?

"If you recall, I did offer, besides we are in Vegas, I imagine it's a very short ride to a nearby casino, we can easily double our funds there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I will be going to pay our mechanic and inquire as to where we might acquire a rental car."

With that Sheldon was off.

Penny stared, bewildered, after him.

xXx

So, Sheldon was good at craps, and Twenty one, and...Every fucking card game he had tried so far.

Penny had always known he was a genius. She had never doubted it. It showed in how he talked, what he talked about...Everything about Sheldon( That wasn't a uniquely crazy, Sheldony part of him) screamed genius. It was how he defined himself. And Penny had never doubted that, he was a genius.

Water was wet, the Earth was indeed round, and Sheldon was a goddamned genius.

That said, Penny had never seen him turn his intelligence into cold hard cash before. Which is exactly what Sheldon was doing at the moment. All of a sudden the whole Sheldon was a genius thing was more real to Penny than it had ever been before.

She blamed the movies, especially the one about that cute gambling MIT kid. It's hardly her fault there really was some truth to advertisement.

They are, after all, totally making a small fortune in Vegas.

At first Sheldon had started small. It had been easy to get a rental, it was only a few blocks away from their mechanic. And Sheldon had explained his 'Game Plan' to Penny en route to their first Casino.

"We must attract as little attention as possible" Sheldon had told her seriously,"No more than five games per Card Game, and blah, blah, blah." Was all Penny had really heard, mostly her job was to lose when Sheldon wasn't telling her what to do to win, she was good at that. She was also good at driving from Casino to Casino.

They probably wouldn't have made as much as they had if Vegas didn't have so many Casinos.

"So how do you know so much about this?" Penny had asked when they were stuck before a red light. It hadn't escaped her notice how comfortable Sheldon had been at the tables. Especially considering how very uncomfortable Sheldon was everywhere else. He'd seriously Sanitized the front of the rental car.

Sheldon actually blushed,"My brother was never very good at mathematics, he knew however, that I was. When he turned twenty one he convinced our father to take us to Vegas instead of a church function for our vacation for once. We made quite a lot of money, or at least we did until our mother caught wind of the whole thing and made us give most of it to charity. The rest she kept for college tuition fee's, and our mortgage. Then we had to pray for forgiveness for hours."

Penny laughed, Sheldon sounded much more horrified by the praying than he did giving all that money away.

"How much did you make?" She asked, curious.

Sheldon rattled of a sum.

Penny gaped at him, wide eyed,"We haven't made half of that!"

Sheldon cocked his head curiously,"Penny, we've only just started, and there's only two of us. Besides, we have made a forth."

"Are we gonna make that much?" Penny might not need an acting career after all. Or at least not a day job while she attempted to get one. Why hadn't she known they could do this before?

Sheldon trained his deep blue eyes on her own,"Do you want to?"

What kind of question was that?"Of course I want to!"

And that would have been that, if Sheldon hadn't spotted that Star Trek convention happening at a hotel. Or that Colombian hussy wasn't trying to be the Uhura to his Spock. The last thing Penny remembered was decking the bitch.

**XxX**

**At least I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have improved since I wrote this...**


	7. Chapter 7

The first thing Penny notices when she comes to is pain. It's everywhere, exploding from her temples all the way down to her toes. She doesn't want to be awake anymore. She wouldn't be in the first place, except that something won't stop shaking her.

"Penny?" A voice whispers beside her and Penny risks cracking open an eye. It's something she soon regrets. She wonders what she'd been drinking, she'd never had a hangover this bad before, she feels nauseous. Still, once the world stops spinning enough, she can easily place the figure beside her. She groans, not quite managing to say Sheldon.

"Thank Jesus! Penny you're suffering from a concussion, you need to stay awake." Sheldon whispers earnestly, and while most of Penny is grateful, the rest of her is wondering why he's so quiet. Sheldon usually isn't. Also, why can't she remember anything? Just a thought.

"Whuss gonn' on?" Penny attempts to question. Mostly she fails. But it's not her fault, her mouth tastes blue. She has a flash of memory then, she'd punched a girl in an Uhura costume. And how sad is it that even concussed she knows what that is?

"We appear to have been kidnapped." Sheldon informs her gravely, still whispering. Her head is in his lap she realized. He'd been shaking her, gently. Penny finds it hard to forgive him for that. Slowly, she begins to sit up. That's when her brain starts connecting more dots.

'Kidnapped?" Penny mouths at him, too shocked for actual speech. And on top of it all the world keeps spinning.

"It seems your instincts were very accurate in regards to Helena. She seems to be the daughter of a South American drug lord named Hernando Souza. Apparently we appeared at the convention at the most inopportune time. They were using the convention as a front for their drug laundering. She was to approach her contact, a blue eyed man, wearing a sky blue superman shirt, and ask if he was interested in star trek collectables."

Here Sheldon pauses, and Penny's no where near concussed enough to miss the bright red of his blush."In my defense I believed she was speaking of real collectables. When she asked if we had the money I directed her towards our rental car, inspite of your protests. We were intercepted by her real contact on our way to the car. I'm not quite sure what happened after that."

Penny frowns, attempts to process what she's been told. She's surprised when she succeeds."Drug lord?" She asks, glad to have graduated back into words. The pain is sharper now that she's more aware, but now she can distance herself from it. Pretend it's just another bad hangover. Somehow the horrible taste in her mouth helps.

Sheldon nods,"After the skirmish in the parking lot, all I witnessed was your fall, so I rushed to your side. Some men showed up with guns and herded us into a car, then we were deposited here, I could hear them arguing while I attempted to wake you. That was all I could glean. I think they thought we were cops at first, they stripped me down but I wasn't wearing a wire. So they put us here to decide what to do with us."

"Holly crap on a cracker." Penny murmurs, low but with feeling. It figures, make it out of Pasadena, and get shot by drug dealers. Maybe it's the concussion talking, but she's not even truly surprised, not really."Did you see what hit me?"

"A brief case." Sheldon informs her, his hand reaching towards her head and gently prodding at her skull. Penny hissed, groping the area and feeling her new goose egg."If it's any consolation, Helena is currently sporting a black eye."

Penny pictures the gorgeous woman they had run into, beauty marred by a thick black ring around her eye. She smiles through her pain. And to think she'd thought the worse thing the woman had done at the time was try to trick Sheldon into sleeping with her. She briefly entertains a fantasy of slugging her with her little league baseball bat. Sadly that was in the trunk of her car.

"A little." Penny admits, then she sighs,"I don't suppose you can use that big beautiful mind of yours to-"

"Shh." Sheldon cuts her off, frowning in concentration,"Someones coming."

Sure enough, moments later the door creeps open. And Helena herself steps into the room, flanked by two big burly looking guys, and still wearing that stupid costume. Penny wonders why it still bothers her so much. At least she doesn't look half as perfect as she had earlier. It's mostly covered by make-up, and it's even a good job, but Penny knows a cover up when she sees one. She can't quite resist the little bubble of pleasure at the sign of the bruise. Hell yeah, she'd done that! But she doesn't have time to think about it because Helena opens her mouth.

"It just figures." She begins, thick Spanish accent making her sound exotic."You meet a nice guy, he's a complete geek, but he's cute, so you figure que importa? He's nice, he's smart, he listens!"

Penny wonders when the princess of a drug empire got to know Sheldon. But Helena continues to rant, barely paying them any attention.

"You go on a few dates, you think you have something good going, and then bam!" Helena slams her fist into her hand. And she is definitely not talking about Sheldon."You find out he's a drug dealer."

Penny totally blames her concussion for her inability to keep her mouth shut,"Aren't you a drug dealer?"

Sheldon on the other hand, has no excuse,"Penny makes a good point. That really shouldn't be a problem for your relationship."

Helena glares at them."I am not a drug dealer. Those are the pendejos that work for my father. I wouldn't have been at that stupid convention if Estella, my best friend, wasn't in the hospital." She says hospital like it's a spanish word, os-pi-tal, foreign.

"My apologies, will she be all right?" Sheldon cut's into her rant. And Penny stares at him, stupefied. Really Sheldon, really? He chooses now to have manners? Although she supposes it's better than having him be rude to their kidnappers.

"She'll be fine. The car barely clipped her." Helena dismisses easily, thankfully not mad."But that's not the point, the point is, that my boyfriend is working for Vilia and he never told me! And on top of that, I have you two gringos to deal with."

"If you were kind enough to let us go, we would gladly deal with ourselves." Sheldon offers.

"Yeah. You don't have to deal with us at all." Penny's quick to add.

Helena snorts at them. Unlady like, Penny thinks with completely misplaced glee. But she's concussed, so whatever.

"We are not part of the authorities" Sheldon continues to rationalize, the only sign of his stress is the southern drawl. It's almost impressive."We don't even have any plans to stay in Vegas, we're on a road trip. Just let us go and we'll leave right away."

"Do I look stupid to you?" Helena asks, and the look on her face is cold, inhumane. It's the kind of look you expect to see on a shark.

"Not at all." Penny says, before Sheldon can open his mouth and insert his foot. They simply can't afford it. "I'm sure you just don't want to deal with two bodies, much easier to let the stupid tourists go, right?"

Helena shoots her a considering look before scowling,"You punched me, Puta."

Penny has lived in California long enough to know just what a puta is. And as much as she would like to call her a bitch right back, her survival instinct insists that she may not survive it. So instead she gives Helena her best air-headed blonde bimbo smile and says,"I'm really sorry about. But I'm totally confused, you know? Got a hard knock to the head. I didn't know what I was doing. But everyone was fighting so I thought I should too."

Penny's pretty sure that's not the case, she remembers the satisfaction she'd felt from slugging the bitch far too clearly, but she's an actress. Penny can pretend.

"I suppose it would be a lot of work to get rid of you. No reason to start lugging around corpses, that's always risky." Helena says, decisively."I'm going to post guards with you, you're going to take your car and go. You go to the police, and I end you, got that?"

Penny and Sheldon nodded in tandem. Penny didn't even clutch her head in agony, as much as she wanted to. Nodding was bad.

"Victor? Herman, take the guy outside, I want to talk to la rubia for a moment." Helena ordered.

It took Penny a moment to remember she hadn't entered the room alone. But the huge guys she'd walked in with had been utterly silent, unmoving. Practically part of the furniture.

Sheldon shot her a panicked look, opening his mouth to argue. Penny slapped her hand over it. She was pretty sure death had been taken off the table. Right now the worse case scenario had Helena smacking her around a bit before sending them off. Penny much preferred injury to death.

"It's okay" She hissed,"Just go!"

Sheldon scowled at her, but he looked at the mountain men beside the door and nodded.

"Just be careful." He cautioned. Penny almost laughed. She should be telling him that, actually...

Penny looked at the thugs again and came to a quick decision,"Just as long as you promise you will be too, okay? Sheldon for once in your life please be quiet."

She was surprised when he didn't so much as glare at her, just bit his lip and gave jerky a nod.

Helena pointedly cleared her throat.

One of the giants beside her took point as Sheldon walked out the door, the last one closing it with an ominous click.

Penny was suddenly finding it hard to be brave with just the two of them alone. It had just occurred to her Helena might have a gun. Or a knife. She didn't have to kill her to really hurt her after all.

_**xXx**_

_**que importa- what does it matter?**_

_**pendejos-idiots**_

_**gringos-white people**_

_**la rubia- the blonde**_

_**I have no idea what past me was thinking making Helena brazilian when they speak portuguese and I wanted to use spanish.**_


	8. Chapter 8

The silence stood thick and heavy between them. Penny wasn't sure she wanted to know just what Helena wanted her for. Not that Helena seemed to care that she was apprehensive.

"How do you do it?" Helena demanded, wasting no time.

Penny blinked,"Do what?"

"Date a geek like him? I mean, come on! You're a babe, green eyes, pelo rubio, the works, you could be a model, date some stud. Why are you with stick thin and geeky?"

Well that certainly hadn't been in the cards. Penny bit back her instinctive denial. She and Sheldon weren't dating, but she wasn't sure she was in any position to correct her kidnappers notion. No, it was best to play to expectations.

"It's different." Penny ventured carefully, thinking about some of Sheldon's more sheldon-y moments."But that's not a really bad thing."

"I know what you mean." Helena said with something remarkably like sorrow."Armando's a total geek. Probably worse than your guy." Oh, Penny really doubted that."It's not the drug thing. I don't really care, you know? Just because you're a drug dealer doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's mostly weed, anyway. Who doesn't like that? It's just that he kept it from me. And working for Vilia? Really, if he wanted a job, I would have gotten him one working for father!"

"Look, Helena." Penny began, wondering why, exactly, she was expected to advise the heiress of a Drug Lord on her love life."Keeping things from you has nothing to do with him being a geek. That's just a shitty guy thing. I don't know why he went working for this Vilia guy knowing he could have worked for your dad. Maybe his pride got in the way or something. How long have you been together?"

But Helena wasn't listening, she was staring at Penny with wide eyes.

"Helena?" Penny prompted, trying not to freak out and barely succeeding. She was concussed, she should not have to deal with this shit. God damn it!

"Oh." Helena said, snapping out of whatever trance she'd been in,"Of course! Yo soy tan estupida!"

What was Penny supposed to say to that? All she'd understood in that bit of spanish was stupid, and it had no context. Not the best thing to base a reply on,"Um. What?"

"Don't you see?" Helena turned to her, happily."He didn't know! I never told him daddy was Hernando Souza!"

"Huh." Penny said, wondering if Helena was bi-polar,"That's...Great?"

"Si!" Helena continued to beam,"Now all I have to do is call him and Papi will give him a job. It's such an easy fix! Thank you so much! You did help, even if I'm the one who figured everything out."

"You're welcome?" Penny offered weakly. She wanted to go home, or at least her car. Nothing made any sense in this state. Penny wanted out.

"But you still haven't answered my question." Suddenly Helena was all business again. Yup, Penny decided, definitely bipolar. What had the first question been? Something about dating a geek?

"Well it's different." Penny repeated, trying to give herself some time to think. What would dating Sheldon be like? She would be lying if she said she hadn't considered it before. Especially that first day, when she thought he'd been flirting in front of his white board."He drives me crazy sometimes. Spock is like, his jesus or something. He's so smart though, it can get annoying, he's like an encyclopedia sometimes. But it's kind of cool how he knows so much about everything. And I feel like I learn a lot, just by sitting next to him. It's impossible not to pick some stuff up. I mean, I know when Einsteins birthday is, and I know I didn't learn that in school."

Helena smiled at her, it was a soft smile. It made her look sweet, nothing at all like the person Penny had been worried would shoot her.

"It sounds like you really love him." Helena said.

Penny smiled back a little helplessly,"yeah."

"I know he loves you." Helena continued."The second you went down he was by your side. And he didn't leave, he could have, the chico has long legs, he could have gotten away before my back up got there. And you should have seen him go off on the guys when they wanted to search you. He said it was wrong for guys to touch a woman without permission. And that he would defend your honor until you were awake and well enough to do it yourself. Saying stuff like that to big guys with guns takes a lot of balls. I think Victors got a man crush on him now, or algo asi. He's really into that whole chivalry bull shit. He was totally willing to take a beating for you."

"He really cares." Penny murmured, mostly to herself. She felt numb with the shock of it. Well, she'd wanted proof. And there was no denying she'd gotten that.

"I know what you mean." Helena told her with a mischievous smile."That's what I like about Armando. I'm used to guys drooling after me, but when I caught a cold last week, I looked like hell, and I'm a total bitch when I'm sick, pero el se quedo conmigo. He nursed me back to health. Made me chicken soup and got me like twelve boxes of tissues. We've only been together two months. But it feels like years, you know?"

Well, considering that Penny's make believe relationship with Sheldon was a lie. One she'd only been telling for the past five minutes, and it felt already felt like the healthiest relationship Penny had ever had?

"Oh yeah." Penny said, hoping it was her concussion talking." I know just what you mean."

Helena giggled, a frightening sound,"I almost feel bad. The only reason I was so distracted at the Hotel was because I kept thinking I couldn't believe Armando wasn't there. He loves that Trek stuff. I didn't even mind the stupid costume. I figured I'd surprise him with it after. It wouldn't have been so bad if you had your telefonos but you didn't. That was suspicious."

"Of course." Penny muttered, unsurprised. Life didn't bother knocking her down, it went straight for the crotch shots.

"Te falta la suelte." Helena said with an understanding nod. Penny blinked at her blankly. She smiled again before clarifying,"You have no luck."

"Oh I have plenty of luck." Penny sassed," It's just that all of it's really bad."

Helena laughed. Penny wasn't kidding.

"No really." Penny said earnestly,"I mean, I make these big, smart, life changing plans, and Sheldon changes them. We go on a road trip, and not a day into it, the stupid engine falls out of my car. We're having this awesome winning streak in Vegas and we accidentally get kidnapped by drug dealers, no offense."

"None taken." Helena assured,"That's really your life?"

"All the time." Penny replied.

"Chica you are so adding me on your facebook."

Wait what?

_**xXx**_

_**Pelo rubio- blonde hair**_

_**yo soy tan estupida- I'm so stupid**_

_**Papi- daddy**_

_**chico- boy**_

_**algo asi- something like that**_

_**Pero el se quedo conmigo- but he stayed with me**_

_**telefonos- phones**_

_**Te falta la suelte- you're missing luck**_

_**chica- girl**_

_**So did I should have this updated relatively soonish. Writing for this fic is hard...**_


	9. Chapter 9

_****On the Road****_

**by :muaaimoi**

**xXx**

Penny never thought she'd be so happy to see the welcome to Utah sign in her life. But she is, she really truly is. There are tears in her eyes, the sight is so beautiful. Then again, that might just be the pain of the concussion she's still sporting.

Still, Penny's absolutely ecstatic to see it. It means they have managed to escape Nevada with their lives in tact. Their is also a suitcase with around half a million dollars in the trunk of their rental. She's not too sure how they're going to sort that whole car mess out, but Penny doesn't plan to set foot back in Nevada. That way lies madness.

She's trying not to think about a friend request she just knows she's going to find in her inbox.

Besides, Penny has her priorities straight, and the first order of business is to say good bye to the gangster driving the rental car. Then get to a hospital. She'll see about the car she ditched with all her worldly possessions later.

The huge gangster guy really is crushing on Sheldon. The respectful, near adoring way he watches him should be freaking Penny out. But the part of her that's responsible for freaking feels broken right now. It's been overworked dealing with the last ten hours of her life. So Penny says her goodbyes amicably and not at all like she wishes she still had pompoms to express the sheer joy at the prospect of never seeing the guy again.

Once he's gone, the situation is finally over. There's still a Facebook friend request she's very carefully not thinking about. But that isn't going to actively affect her future. She hopes. She's concussed. She's allowed to hope.

She's not happy about putting Sheldon behind the wheel of the car, but he refuses to let her drive with a concussion, and she is in no condition to argue. By the time they get to the hospital Penny is pretty upset. At least there aren't many people in the ER and she doesn't have to wait long to get attended. The hospital bed feels like the most comfortable thing in the world. She's so grateful to finally be able to let go and fall asleep. Sheldon shakes her awake carefully every hour, but she's so tired she barely notices. It's like she's dreaming more than anything. By the time it's not Sheldon, but a nurse, rousing her by drawing back the curtains and opening a window, Penny's mostly rested.

"Hey there honey!"The nurse chirps. She's a red head, pretty, around her age, with artistically freckled cheeks."I'm Linda, it's so nice to meet you!"

"Hi Linda, I'm Penny,"She smiles back on auto-pilot. A little disbelieving of the woman's sheer enthusiasm so early in the morning, or what looks like morning, the sun is shining way too brightly in any case. She looks around the room, expecting to find a lanky physicist, and doesn't. Her stomach drops, worry gnawing at her insides. She doesn't want to know the kind of trouble he could get into in a hospital. Not considering what had happened last night. "Where's Sheldon?"

"Oh, I sent him downstairs to get some sleep, pulled a few strings, and got him a cot."Linda tittered, with a flirty flip of her wrist.

"You can do that?"Penny asked, surprised. She'd been to the ER quite a few times in her life, and no one had ever been offered a bed if they weren't the patient. Not that she knew of, anyway.

"If you know the right people you can do anything."Linda winked, resting her hand lightly on Penny's thigh." And he deserved if, he was so tired, poor thing. He stayed up with you all knight! Isn't that sweet? And so smart! Two PhD's? With an IQ like that-he's totally going to have some smart babies. I wish I had a guy like that."

Penny glued her smile on, desperately trying to think past the lingering headache. She felt like she was missing something. Something big. Something about Linda, with her pretty face and sly red smile. Wait-red. Linda was wearing lipstick. Bright red, the kind you could only pull off with a near unhealthy looking pale complexion. Penny blinked, taking in the stereotypical nurse's outfit. Not the more practical scrubs that where some variation of blue or green that most nurses wore now a days. And she was wearing heels. Heels, if Penny knew anything about people who worked on their feet for hours, was that you always wore comfortable shoes. Heels were never comfortable shoes, she'd figured that out the hard way. Why on earth was she dolled up like that while at work?

"You had rough night, huh?"Linda continued, her smile going sympathetic,"A mugging-how terrible! Sheldon got all twitchy when he was telling us about it. It must have been awful. It was so brave of you to fight back."

"Yeah,"Penny agreed, surprised and not a little impressed Sheldon had managed a believable lie. They had promised Helena they wouldn't go to the cops. Penny had a feeling she'd meant it when she said she'd track them down and have them killed. Best to avoid all of that."A mugging. It sucked."

"Well we're going to take good care of you."Linda cooed, and started asking her questions.

Penny answered easily. Head ache slowly receding, it helps that Linda starts stroking her hear, the steady motion soothing her. There's still a nagging at the back of her mind, but Penny has had a rough two days and she just wants to relax. The mystery of Linda's outfit could wait. So Penny took a nap, woke up to Linda bringing her food, and ignored the lack of Sheldon. He'd be back soon enough, she might as well enjoy the break.

Then Linda broke her careful zen.

"So Sheldon."The red head began,"It's gotta be tough keeping up with a guy like that, am I right?"

Penny snorted,"You have no idea."

Linda's smile widened. Linda had yet to stop actually, maybe that was part of what was freaking Penny out?"Maybe you could use some help, don't you think?"

Help? What did that eve-oh. Penny's epiphany lasted all of three seconds before Penny wholeheartedly regretted stopping in Utah. Of course they'd get propositioned by Mormons. This was her life now

**x**

**If any of you are having flash backs to Ramona, she did inspire this. Well her whole 'sisters' comment to Penny did. Linda got red hair in her honor. I tried editing this, but I need to remember that I am not at my best at two in the morning...I'm looking for a beta, so most of my fics should recieve some polish relatively soon. Also I have nothing against Mormons, I just find the idea of a bunch of women wanting Sheldon's genius baby's hilarious. Especially since they'd be willing to make Penny 'first' wife.**


End file.
